Evil Cycling

Regarding orders, we fucked up, email crashed, the universe took a dump on us and we’re still getting our shit together. Please call the Better Business Bureau off. We have a postal scale, we’re rebuilding the store. It’s gonna be great. We almost totally promise.

Until that time comes, here is a photo of a cat giving a guy a high five.

Hello dickfaces.

From the get go we said 12-14 weeks, as we pre-ordered the shitbirds. Now, all but a few are on their way!So, put all that froth back in your mouth, or your ass, or her ass, or wherever it came from.

They’re all on the wing to you and yours. And you in Europe and Asia, they’re in customs. Customs here takes a long time as our agents are clinically challenged.

Hang tight. Send pictures to us or post them to our Facebook page when you get yours. All of the bodily fluids on your items are free of charge.

Start with a peanut, and then go fuck yourself.
The 2012 jerseys are shipping currently. We’ve had other things to attend to other than wiping your nose and patting your over stuffed bellies. What part of ‘you’ll get it when you get it’ did you not understand?

Party on, Garth.

It is upon us, my friends. Or, upon you in actuality.

The 2012 jersey is now open for pre-order, so get yourself in line.

What’s new? Well, Castelli is making our jerseys. So you get twice the quality of the old ones, at the same price! Thanks to Castelli for stepping up. Also new is new pocket art, soon to be unveiled. Also new is a new message on the back of the collar.

What’s returning is the shitbird logo, the stripes, and HAIL SATAN on the side panels.

Click the “buy things” link to the right ———–> and see details on how to make yourself 1.3% more idiotic.

Hi.

God, we suck a mile of dick, don’t we? Yes, we do.

Hope everyone’s riding bikes. Lots.

Love you. Hate you.

At least for now.

That’s some fucked up shit right there.

Sky and his recently relocated Velo Cultists are having a shibang this Sunday for the Mother of all the classics. Swing through and enjoy the company of your compatriots while you watch Tchmil come out of retirement and take a shit on Boner’s head as he sits on his handle bars and pedals backwards over the finish line.

Racing in earnest has begun for 2012 with the 8,027th edition of Milan-San Remo. Rather than focusing on who won, it’s more fun to focus on who lost, chief among those counted being Mark Cavendish. He’s a polarizing figure in the sport for sure. Personally, I think he’s a whiny bitch. That said, I think he’s hands down the best pure sprinter in the world, though his brand of asshole is not my first pick. I would bang the shit out of his girlfriend though, if given then chance. What’s Mark gonna do? Beat me up? Doubt it.

It was also fun watching Levi Leipheimer redefine several words and phrases all at once at Paris – Nice: bad luck, failing, crashing multiple times, looking like an idiot, …. did I mention failing? Jesus, little man….stay upright. You’re too fragile above and below the neck to keep doing this sort of thing.

Looking forward, there’s no other race on the calendar in the immediate future that bleats a greater siren song than Paris-Roubaix. And thankfully, the ASO has announced after a period of doubt that they will, in fact, race through the Arenberg Forest. Whew. Best part of the race, for me. As we know, only good things happen there.