Evil Cycling

Ha!

The 2nd and 3rd Horsemen have arrived in the form of Evil cycling caps and hi quality Evil stickers from Stickerobot!

The caps are $15, with an extra buck thrown in for shipping, and the stickers are .75 cents each. The insults and/or cheap porn included in the envelope (if requested) are free! So now we have stickers, hats, and socks all ready for you to put on your body before you go out and destroy something innocent, like Cheever’s bung hole. Wait, that’s not innocent. Nevermind.

So click HERE to go to our Evil online store and buy shit that will ultimately spell your own destruction. And please, take pictures of you with your Evil things on and send them in to us and we’ll be making a picture page soon of all you idiots before you get arrested.

hats, stickers, boobies. it all works.

In other news, we got our forum gaining some altitude. Please go there and tell us how much we suck by clicking HERE.

That’s all we got for you at press time. Tonight it’s Dwarves and Zeke at Dante’s, so we’ll resurface when the chemicals wear off.

that of Cheever were to walk into a wall with a boner he’d hit his nose first.

That’s a euphamism for “are you getting laid” in case you didn’t know it. Now you do.

Fun times, from the tropics to the mainland. We’ve been gazing upon comely Japanese chicks in Hawaii, to riding in the muddy rain in Portland, to just beating our dicks like they owe us money in Norcal. In the midwest, we’ve been freezing our poor little penises off on gravel/ice rides. But we’ve been on bikes, and that matters most.

fat douchebag somewhere around diamond head

And in bad news, Armstrong ran like a chicken shit and settled with LeMond. I suppose LeMond A.) needs the money and B.) enjoys seeing Trek give 100 grand to his favorite charity, but oh, how we would have loved to see all the dirty laundry come out in a court of law. Once again, slippery sleazy Pharmstrong gets away with murder. Sad. So, so sad. I wish the dude from cyclingfansanonymous.blogspot.com would come back to writing, but I think he’s just finished another fifth of whiskey and has the Luger pointed at his naughty bits by now, he’s so fraught with disgust.

In brighter news, our semi-raison d’etre, Ragbrai, has announced its route for 2010. It’s really flat, and it’s relatively short at only 415 miles in length. We’ll see you there, in some fashion.

In darker news, Clark’s dong fell off. But if you put yours everywhere he’s put his, yours would fall off too.

Speaking of Ragbrai and things falling off, our dear Bennie was spotted in L.A. looking about how we thought he’d look this far down the hallucenogenics road:

different paint job, everyday

Thank you The Woah. Thank you.
and speaking of dick butt, here is a nice photo of Evil Carrie and Evilana after the psychedelics have taken ahold of your grey matter.
I wanna be the meat in their sangwich.

Buying some EVIL socks for ten measly dollars is a small price to pay when you consider the fact that you not only have full time feet condoms ensuring that your shoes won’t get pregnant, but in a pinch you have something to wipe your ass with after you drunkenly take a shit in the back of the bus you caught in Copenhagen but then later realized because you can’t read Danish that you’re on the wrong one, and it’s taking you about 20 miles in the wrong direction of the place you scammed some floor space at where a really hot girl named Petra is waiting for you.

I’m just saying… it’s good to be prepared.

Who are we to judge? Dave is our friend no matter whose tailpipe he’s sticking a banana in.

Recently while discussing the finer points of doing our best to fuck up this race (in the good hearted, fly-in-the-ointment kind of way. Not the Edward Abbey, monkey wrench kind of way) Sov acknowledged just what a bunch of good looking individuals we are;

While being nearly impossible to disparage, he followed that with the simple observation that we ruined bike racing.
Not necessarily able to completely agree with this statement, I offered that perhaps it was people like the numb-nut promoter of said event and people like him that do more damage to the overall race scene than we ever could. After all, the bunch of retards that we are simply stand around and give away money and libations, and in Simon’s case, do like a baby monkey might and eat out of GenO’s hand;

Well, as the title of this post would indicate, Sov had the final, and astute word on the matter as the email he responded with said this;

“She’s cycling.

We’re him.”

If we were lucky.

It’s hard to fathom the lengths of idiocy being reached in front of the 2010 racing season.

1. The AFLD won’t be involved in testing at the Tour. Great, the UCI got what they wanted. Mark our words – a few small time riders will get pinched, and the dope machines like Valverde and Armstrong and Contador and the Schlecks will dope like mad, put up superhuman rides, and do so worry free. And the money will roll in.

2. Ricco. Kinda makes you want to shit yourself and puke on yourself at the same time, doesn’t it?

3. Rasmussen. See Ricco.

4. Riis pops off today about who should “have to pay” and whatnot. Bjarne – calling the kettle doped.Just go away you fuck. Please.

5. In brighter news, Floyd Landis beats Zabriskie’s record at the Tour of Bahamas and credits “all that drinking” for the win. He also says if he doesn’t get his contract with the eternally and completely fucked up Rock Racing that he’ll “go back to his shed behind the dumpster” – repentant or otherwise, he sure is funny. He also says he might “write a book”. If that’s not a shiver to dopestrong, I don’t know what is. Please write the book, Floyd. Tell us about the Motorcycles.

Hey, at least we got “As the Toto Turns” to keep us laughing in spite of all the shame. And we were almost kinda sorta maybe a little bit starting to turn the corner on doping for a hot minute there. Oh well. At least we’ll have fodder to laugh about.

Yeah, it takes a while to load, but what else have you got to do?