Evil Cycling

Here’s Carter. The only other Evil to be on board the Black Train since its inception in 1999. He’s since moved out to New York City where he’s awaiting the birth of his first spawn. Like Sov’s child, most of us are completely shocked that A.) there’s a woman out there who would allow themselves to be impregnated by these cockslaps, and B.) the government hasn’t stepped in to stop the pregnancy or prior to it, sterilize Carter and Sov. And Bear, for that matter. It’s just gross that these assholes are allowed to pass along their faulty genetics. For the women, I guess they have a new understanding of just how powerful chloroform is.

Anyway, here’s the man himself, with his custom titanium helmet complete with hidden lasers and jet engines.

Cause if I were you, I wouldn’t.

Right in the ass! If you have trouble with that task, we can send Bear over to help you out. We call him the Roto Rooter, and for good reason, just ask Clark who is aptly named “Gappy” now because of an encounter with Bear and a bottle of tequila that went horribly, horribly wrong.

Ah yes, enjoy your Thanksgiving day, friends. Be thankful for your bike and your friends and your family, and this picture.

And may all our Evil far and wide be happy and full on this day. If not, we’ll track Zeke down and cut a few slices off of him and send them to you. Or The Lunatic Fringe, who sent us a nice picture reassuring us  that all was well in Illinois, and that he had unearthed an early picture of Cheever.

This really explains a lot.

And I would bet dimes to donuts that it smells of defeat, cheap beer and ass.
Not the good kind of ass, where you are surprised at how awesome it smells.

And don’t pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about. You’re on the EVIL site. Chances are pretty good that you’ve had you face in more ass, than I’ve had hands in pockets.

For that matter, you probably have your face in an ass right now.

Image courtesy of Photo John.

How do you say ‘fuck you’ in Japanese?
性交しなさい
I know how to write it, just not how to say it.
Please advise, phonetically.

To Quote Heavenly Blues- “We want to be free! We want to be free to do what we want to do! We want to be free to ride. And we want to be free to ride our machines without being hassled by The Man. And we want to get loaded. And we want to have a good time! And that’s what we’re gonna do. We’re gonna have a good time. We’re gonna have a party!”

I think it’s safe to assume that Heavenly Blue would be cool with giving it to a who-ere in the back of your SUV as well.

Screw you, THE MAN. You can’t keep me down.

Firstly, let it be known that we’ve dusted off our (rusty) sheriff’s badges and are once again mobilizing our Evil police force. You may remember or recall if you weren’t too fucking stoned in class that Evil was one of the first ever bicycle police forces. We have visual evidence, that we’ve actually posted before. Please observe:

That’s an oldie, but a goodie. We have that, and many many more of the crumpled ruins that make up Evil Cycling in the archives. Please waste some time on the company dime and peruse the ashes from  whence this fucked up phoenix came to be.

It’s Friday. Not a lot going on around here other than our typical pre-weekend liver massage. The sloth and gluttony week is upon us and we couldn’t be happier.

In closing, we’d like to admit that we’re really not that bad. Except the times that we’re feasting on children’s innards or shopping your mom’s pancreas around, we’re really not that bad. You know what’s bad? Cancer’s bad. We’re inadvertantly but very proudly on the cover of the Chris King Komen Calendar for 2010. They’re only $15 and it goes to a great cause, so click HERE to get yourself a calendar for that special someone in your life. And now, please play “spot the Evil”

Oh, wait, one more thing. The UK is indeed part of Europe, smartasses. And both of my moms (the one that bore me and the one that hid me) both saw the site, twice. And with the power of google anal (ytics) we can find out just how people are ending up at this site by seeing what keywords they punch in to get here. Here’s the latest. I like #10 myself, which was actually #8 on the charts a few days ago.

Well, let’s see. We’ve been relaunched one week and 3 days. About a thousand of you have shown up from Europe, the UK, Australia, and all over the US, so sayeth Google Analytics. That’s a nice feeling. Please, tell you’re friends about this site and send them here to be insulted. We set up a Twitter thing, too, and we just kicked the dust off of that. Click here if you’d like to see the tweets Lance Armstrong himself has blocked. Yup, ol’ Pharmstrong blocked us on Twitter, I can’t possibly imagine why. I find that to be what my grandpappy called a “good’un”.

If you have anything you’d like to send in to the team, please send click on the CONTACT page just over to your right, and pick your poison. Like our friend Cary, who sent us this fine visage the other day. Isn’t that a sweet Pentabike logo?

Now, I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking “Cheever cut his hair! And gained body mass!”, but that’s not true, because that’s not Cheever.

In other news, it’s Tuesday. Film at 11. The best part about Tuesday is that it’s not Monday.

And since we have to go and clean up a metric ton of whale innards from our last traffic altercation, we leave you with the fine image of the fair Lana for your viewing pleasure.