Evil Cycling

Just kidding.

I don’t remember any of it, save for the fact that we found a new team girlfriend

Now fuck off.

Pharmstrong is talking about us to the Dutch media!

We have Fragile, 90125, and Close To The Edge, that we play on the Astana team bus. We do sing-a-longs to Roundabout when Johan is overseeing our injections. We do Chris Squire’s dry cleaning, we babysit Steve Howe’s kids, and we administer Jon Anderson’ medications. And, at times, we let Trevor Rabin hang out and play XBox with us, but no one really likes Trevor. He’s like Dave, we just put up with him.

We surround and exalt Alberto, hoping one day he points his imaginary gun finger at us. That’s when we make the noises. Pyoo! Pyoo! Pyoo!

The Wrexican once toured with Yes, too. On the “In The Present” tour last year. He was the only one not needing a walker. Here he is on a short break on the road.

The first batches of socks made their way to their new owners, and the bizarre behavior has already started, reports say. There have been several nun kickings reported, as well as foot-up-the-bosses-ass resulting in a spike in the unemployment rate. Sometimes, when the feet wearing the socks sense a victim nearby (a kid to kick, a nun to roundhouse, etc) they take the wearer on a new route, no matter what said wearer is up to.

Here’s Stevil crashing. Now, anyone that’s ridden with the old boy knows that he can handle a bike, but when wearing the Evil socks, and when an unsuspecting pregnant woman walks by, well, the socks take over to try to do some kicking. Observe.

blame the socks.

Now next on tap we have the Czech Cyclocross Juggernaut Stefka in full flight. See, the socks don’t care. If there’s something nefarious to tend to, you’re off your bike. There’s just no two ways about it, even if you’re in competition. Now look closely, and you’ll see the Evil socks throwing Stefka off her bike and guiding her towards a keg at a cross race. Them socks be thiiiirsty!

Don’t worry, the socks shared the beer with Stefka, so all was forgiven and everyone was alright.

You just have to be careful out there, folks.

And the media takes notice.

Just a bunch of crap, really. Silly stuff, silly string, silly soda (that’s beer) and silly people. Silly like Darth Vader riding a bike. You gotta hand it to those Chad Vader writers, they’re pretty good.

So we hope with all hope that you are getting a cold for Christmess, or better yet, a cold sore, and maybe you’ve slipped and fell. That’s what we hope. Peace on earth, bad things for men.

And speaking of naughty or nice – you decide:

We think your choice is pretty obvious there.

And we’ve heard from the estimable Hurl in Minneapolis that all is well in the lovely Twins. He sends visual evidence along with his normal wordplay.

I guess that says it all, in its own special way.

And we’re very proud to announce that Carter, aka Han Solo, aka Liesure Man, aka Chef, and his lovely wife Casey have given birth to a baby girl, Claudia. Well, Casey gave birth to it, Carter was most likely selling smokes in the lobby or perusing the nearest antique store. We say a hearty congrats to the proud parents, and we will go deep into black spiritual meditation (read: a shitty bar with good tunes and naked chicks) to “pray” (for lack of a better word) that it looks like Casey. We truly hope so. Also, given the Ragbrai lineage of Evil and Marley involved here, we can  only hope she rides for Marley, for Carter’s sake. The Marley’s just smoke some herb and suffer the random Billthy arrest, unlike us, with bombs, and disease, and religious war, and pestilence and just generally horrible stuff. Congrats!

I do.
Now do us both a favor and get to church.
Don’t forget to smuggle in a little bit of peanut butter to spread on the body of Christ. Just because he died for your sins doesn’t mean he shouldn’t be delicious.

Ok, the New York Times has outdone itself with its own lunacy. Read THIS.

Now, not to beat the dead horse too much, but if you couldn’t see the physical transformation in Woods a few years back, or that of Pharmstrong’s after his comeback year in ‘99, you’re either blind, retarded, or both. Both are gifted, but both were obviously supercharged, and now with Woods has a mini-Ferrari in Galea.

But this article is just flat out delusional. What’s on the next page? An interview with the real Santa? Praise for Republicans? Good lord…..the Times just knocked themselves out of the box running that shite.

In semi-related self delusional news, Pharmstrong’s handler/mouthpiece/cold moto organizer Bruyneel has let himself go to his head, posting videos of himself and what awes him with the regularity of a prune laden, chili eating old man. It’s really kinda sad.

Oh, the year at the DopeShack will be really fun to watch. In a sad and disgusting kinda way.