Evil Cycling

Buying some EVIL socks for ten measly dollars is a small price to pay when you consider the fact that you not only have full time feet condoms ensuring that your shoes won’t get pregnant, but in a pinch you have something to wipe your ass with after you drunkenly take a shit in the back of the bus you caught in Copenhagen but then later realized because you can’t read Danish that you’re on the wrong one, and it’s taking you about 20 miles in the wrong direction of the place you scammed some floor space at where a really hot girl named Petra is waiting for you.

I’m just saying… it’s good to be prepared.

Who are we to judge? Dave is our friend no matter whose tailpipe he’s sticking a banana in.

Recently while discussing the finer points of doing our best to fuck up this race (in the good hearted, fly-in-the-ointment kind of way. Not the Edward Abbey, monkey wrench kind of way) Sov acknowledged just what a bunch of good looking individuals we are;

While being nearly impossible to disparage, he followed that with the simple observation that we ruined bike racing.
Not necessarily able to completely agree with this statement, I offered that perhaps it was people like the numb-nut promoter of said event and people like him that do more damage to the overall race scene than we ever could. After all, the bunch of retards that we are simply stand around and give away money and libations, and in Simon’s case, do like a baby monkey might and eat out of GenO’s hand;

Well, as the title of this post would indicate, Sov had the final, and astute word on the matter as the email he responded with said this;

“She’s cycling.

We’re him.”

If we were lucky.

It’s hard to fathom the lengths of idiocy being reached in front of the 2010 racing season.

1. The AFLD won’t be involved in testing at the Tour. Great, the UCI got what they wanted. Mark our words – a few small time riders will get pinched, and the dope machines like Valverde and Armstrong and Contador and the Schlecks will dope like mad, put up superhuman rides, and do so worry free. And the money will roll in.

2. Ricco. Kinda makes you want to shit yourself and puke on yourself at the same time, doesn’t it?

3. Rasmussen. See Ricco.

4. Riis pops off today about who should “have to pay” and whatnot. Bjarne – calling the kettle doped.Just go away you fuck. Please.

5. In brighter news, Floyd Landis beats Zabriskie’s record at the Tour of Bahamas and credits “all that drinking” for the win. He also says if he doesn’t get his contract with the eternally and completely fucked up Rock Racing that he’ll “go back to his shed behind the dumpster” – repentant or otherwise, he sure is funny. He also says he might “write a book”. If that’s not a shiver to dopestrong, I don’t know what is. Please write the book, Floyd. Tell us about the Motorcycles.

Hey, at least we got “As the Toto Turns” to keep us laughing in spite of all the shame. And we were almost kinda sorta maybe a little bit starting to turn the corner on doping for a hot minute there. Oh well. At least we’ll have fodder to laugh about.

Yeah, it takes a while to load, but what else have you got to do?

Discuss.

Taken from Lucky at Psyclepathic.

Secondly, I have to take the opportunity to spread the word early and often that the fellas from Mission Workshop and my profhessianal self have gotten a bit of a collaboration underway. Get your video gear out and your cameras warmed up for our first ever contest;

So now you know what to do. Get cracking, cracker.

Nick, our resident portable sound system guru, has sent along this fine graphic, asking us if “old school halogen lighting has got us down”.

Well, does it?

I bet she’d post a new hour record.

Got anything stupid to send us? Do it! Chorthole at evilcycling.com!