Evil Cycling

Just ask Sarah Palin! Retards are funny when it’s satire, like Rush Limbaugh, but she’s not laughing when she looks at us on bikes. She’s calling for our resignation. Wait a minute…is she retarded too? Yes, I guess she is. Boyhowdy, she’s as retarded as they come, but I digress.

But we’re the soft heads of the peloton, and we wholeheartedly accept that moniker. We should really get our own lanes and our helmets should be twice as big as anyone else’s.

We’ve made a little late night naughty-no-no rendezvous with the estimable Toto. Gaze upon this sultry image. Smells like wanton sex to me. Also smells like bananas and rum.

twirling towards freedom….

We’ve also made our way into mainstream life, for some folks who may not be of mainstream lifestyle, but have been forced to make their money therein. As a wise man once told us “the job is not who you are, it simply finances who you are.” Amen, brother Ed. So, if you’re stuck there for the time being, and need a reminder of real life, you can sticker your cubicle like the fair Alana, behold:

We’re right by the Output Room – which to us means “toilet”

Yup, the call it a “gentleman’s affair” but we won’t be gentle. Especially if there’s any bung involved. Then we get all mad chimp-like.

So click here to find out all the rad details. Show up with rotten tomatoes, and aim at the guys in Black.

Ha!

The 2nd and 3rd Horsemen have arrived in the form of Evil cycling caps and hi quality Evil stickers from Stickerobot!

The caps are $15, with an extra buck thrown in for shipping, and the stickers are .75 cents each. The insults and/or cheap porn included in the envelope (if requested) are free! So now we have stickers, hats, and socks all ready for you to put on your body before you go out and destroy something innocent, like Cheever’s bung hole. Wait, that’s not innocent. Nevermind.

So click HERE to go to our Evil online store and buy shit that will ultimately spell your own destruction. And please, take pictures of you with your Evil things on and send them in to us and we’ll be making a picture page soon of all you idiots before you get arrested.

hats, stickers, boobies. it all works.

In other news, we got our forum gaining some altitude. Please go there and tell us how much we suck by clicking HERE.

That’s all we got for you at press time. Tonight it’s Dwarves and Zeke at Dante’s, so we’ll resurface when the chemicals wear off.

that of Cheever were to walk into a wall with a boner he’d hit his nose first.

That’s a euphamism for “are you getting laid” in case you didn’t know it. Now you do.

Fun times, from the tropics to the mainland. We’ve been gazing upon comely Japanese chicks in Hawaii, to riding in the muddy rain in Portland, to just beating our dicks like they owe us money in Norcal. In the midwest, we’ve been freezing our poor little penises off on gravel/ice rides. But we’ve been on bikes, and that matters most.

fat douchebag somewhere around diamond head

And in bad news, Armstrong ran like a chicken shit and settled with LeMond. I suppose LeMond A.) needs the money and B.) enjoys seeing Trek give 100 grand to his favorite charity, but oh, how we would have loved to see all the dirty laundry come out in a court of law. Once again, slippery sleazy Pharmstrong gets away with murder. Sad. So, so sad. I wish the dude from cyclingfansanonymous.blogspot.com would come back to writing, but I think he’s just finished another fifth of whiskey and has the Luger pointed at his naughty bits by now, he’s so fraught with disgust.

In brighter news, our semi-raison d’etre, Ragbrai, has announced its route for 2010. It’s really flat, and it’s relatively short at only 415 miles in length. We’ll see you there, in some fashion.

In darker news, Clark’s dong fell off. But if you put yours everywhere he’s put his, yours would fall off too.

Speaking of Ragbrai and things falling off, our dear Bennie was spotted in L.A. looking about how we thought he’d look this far down the hallucenogenics road:

different paint job, everyday

Thank you The Woah. Thank you.
and speaking of dick butt, here is a nice photo of Evil Carrie and Evilana after the psychedelics have taken ahold of your grey matter.
I wanna be the meat in their sangwich.