Evil Cycling

Normally we don’t deface rodents, even really big rodents, but this situation just cried out for it. We know not who either party is, but they’re part of us now.

Imagine farting in that beaver suit.

And no, that’s not Stan in there.

God.. With all of this talk of scandal and fallen heros, all we want to do is party.

You supply the park, and we’ll supply the moon bounce and severed pig’s heads.

So Floyd has sung the song, and the damage control hordes are in full swing. From the likely and unlikely sources, the mass media outlets and those happy to suckle at the penis of Armstrong in particular are quick to ignore the allegations, and focus on the credibility of Floyd. The McQuaid denials are the most sickening and laughable. Hearing Phil and Paul call Floyd “sad” is kinda ridiculous. Bruyneel says Floyd is “sad” and says he’s “tried to blackmail me” among other things. The wagons of the wicked are tightly circled.

Now, let’s look a little deeper at said credibility of said accuser. It’s totally fucked. Floyd himself admits that, and most folks have to look at the whole sordid timeline and say “what in the mighty fuck is going on in this dude’s head?”  But his denials in 06 were hollow, weren’t they? That whole time in 06 when the shit hit the fan, didn’t Floyd look like he’d swallowed a bird? “I’ll say no”, was the answer to the direct did-you-dope question. Who believed him then? I certainly didn’t.

But, like lots of people believe in god, or kids believe in Santa, or folks believe in Lance, people at the time believed in Floyd. And where that went wrong was when he pilfered money from fans to his “Fairness Fund” and when he wrote that piece-of-shit book “Positively False”. Undoubtedly, in the face of the recent admissions, that looks like shit and rightfully so.

Now, we’ve identified that – what about the specific timelines and accusations of “The Letter”? Regardless of reason or impetus, no one has yet addressed them…the talking heads around the accused, and the accused themselves, are only doing one thing – a professional, Malachi Crunch style character assassination on Floyd Landis. “Sad”, “bitter”, “disgruntled” and so on. While some of these monikers might indeed be to some extent true, let’s move past that.

We’ve seen this sort of tripe before. Remember Millar calling his whistle-blower a “nutter”? Remember the treatment Simeoni got? Remember Joe Papp getting crucified? Remember Manzano being run off into the hills? We’ve long seen people survive “testing” for years to come back later and reveal their guilt. Marion Jones, anyone?In cycling, the mighty omerta is king.

So Floyd does it, and he’s getting nailed to the cross. Sure, some of his finger pointing has a little color of Canseco to it, but I waive that. Just because it’s from a  googly eyed, fucked up goatee-wearing, goofy fucking Mennonite dude doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be given a much closer look.

He’s being marginalized, and professionally at that.

Well, I for one wish to extend a hearty, full voiced “FUCK THAT” to that treatment. I am no fan of Floyd. Knew he doped all along, and watched his descent into public lunacy with the LeMond affair, computer hacking, getting loaded on whiskey at stage races, mediocre riding, etc etc. So what?

While Floyd admits he has no ironclad proof, he is rumored to have some incriminating photos, as well as (by his admission in the initial letter) detailed diaries and other information. I hope we see that soon.Aside from that, he was a bonafide eyewitness to all of it.

I suppose for the accused to address the allegations would lend said allegations some validity. However, for the sake of the self-professed clarity and transparency, I’d like to see a denial of the points, rather than “I won’t waste your time because it’s not worth it.” Bullshit it’s not worth it. You have eyewitness account of systematic doping in the bus with the whole team. Not just some  assistant saying he found a box of somethin’-o-stein in the bathroom. This guy is calling out, in specifics, how it was done, where it was done, by whom, and when.

I hope the whole motherfucking circus burns to the ground. I hope Floyd reveals everything else he has and above all he has his own clarity. He didn’t do anything the others weren’t doing. Armstrong isn’t and wasn’t doing anything the others are doing. To that logic, it’s a level playing field. But the biggest fraud in the world is now one step closer to the fire. I think first and foremost of the true essence of sport. I think secondly of the fraud of Armstrong, the LAF, and how much false hope is being pumped up the asses of the sick like so much sunshine. I guess if it is some sort of twisted placebo, then it’s a good thing. My problem lies more with the rape of the sport.

Maybe Floyd writes a new book? Who knows which way this will go, but it will be interesting.

For this instance, and this instance only, I believe in Floyd.

2002: I was instructed on how to use Testosterone patches by Johan Bruyneel
during the During the Dauphine Libere in June, after which I flew on a
helicopter with Mr Armstrong from the finish, I believe Grenoble, to San
Mauritz Switzerland at which point I was personally handed a box of 2.5 mg
patches in front of his wife who witnessed the exchange. About a week
later, Dr Ferrari performed an extraction of half a liter of blood to be
transfused back into me during the Tour de France. Mr Armstrong was not
witness to the extraction but he and I had lengthy discussions about it on
our training rides during which time he also explained to me the evolution
of EPO testing and how transfusions were now necessary due to the
inconvenience of the new test. He also divulged to me at that time that in
the first year that the EPO test was used he had been told by Mr Ferrari,
who had access to the new test, that he should not use EPO anymore but he
did not believe Mr Farrari and contin
ued to use it. He later, while winning the Tour de Swiss, the month before
the Tour de France, tested positive for EPO at which point he and Mr
Bruyneel flew to the UCI headquarters and made a financial agreement with
Mr. Vrubrugen to keep the positive test hidden.

2003: After a broken hip in the winter, I flew to Gerona Spain where this
time two units (half a liter each) were extracted three weeks apart. This
took place in the apartment in which Mr. Armstrong lived and in which I was
asked to stay and check the blood temperature every day. It was kept in a
small refrigerator in the closet allong with the blood of Mr Armstrong and
George Hincapie and since Mr. Armstrong was planning on being gone for a few
weeks to train he asked me to stay in his place and make sure the
electricity didn’t turn off or something go wrong with the referigerator.
Then during the Tour de France the entire team, on two different occasions
went to the room that we were told and the doctor met us there to do the
transfusions. During that Tour de France I personally witnessed George
Hincapie, Lance Armstrong, Chechu Rubiera, and myself receiving blood
transfusions. Also during that Tour de France the team doctor would give my
room mate, George Hincapie an
d I a small syringe of olive oil in which was disolved andriol, a form of
ingestible testosterone on two out of three nights throughout the duration.

I was asked to ride the Vuelta a Espana that year in support of Roberto
Heras and in August, between the Tour and the Vuelta, was told to take EPO
to raise my hematocrit back up so more blood transfusions could be
performed. I was instructed to go to Lances place by Johan Bruyneel and get
some EPO from him. The first EPO I ever used was then handed to me in the
entry way to his building in full view of his then wife. It was Eprex by
brand and it came in six pre measured syringes. I used it intravenously for
several weeks before the next blood draw and had no problems with the tests
during the Vuelta. Also during this time it was explained to me how to use
Human Growth Hormone by Johan Bruyneel and I bought what I needed from Pepe
the team “trainer” who lived in Valencia along with the team doctor at that
time. While training for that Vuelta I spent a good deal of time training
with Matthew White and Michael Barry and shared the testosterone and EPO
that we had and discu
ssed the use thereof while training.

Again, during the Vuelta we were given Andriol and blood transfusions by the
team doctor and had no problems with any testing.

2004: Again the team performed two seperate blood transfusions on me, but
this time Bruyneel had become more paranoid and we did the draws by flying
to Belgium and meeting at an unknown persons appartment and the blood was
brought by “Duffy” who was at that time Johans assistant of sorts. The
second of which was performed on the team bus on the ride from the finish of
a stage to the hotel during which the driver pretended to have engine
trouble and stopped on a remote mountain road for an hour or so so the
entire team could have half a liter of blood added. This was the only time
that I ever saw the entire team being transfused in plain view of all the
other riders and bus driver. That team included Lance Armstrong, George
Hincapie and I as the only Americans.

2005: I had learned at this point how to do most of the transfusion
technicals and other things on my own so I hired Allen Lim as my assistant
to help with details and logistics. He helped Levi Leipheimer and I prepare
the transfusions for Levi and I and made sure they were kept at the proper
temperature. We both did two seperate transfusions that Tour however my
hematocrit was too low at the start so I did my first one a few days before
the start so as to not start with a deficit.

2006: Well you get the idea……. One thing of great signigicance is that
I sat down with Andy Riis and explained to him what was done in the past and
what was the risk I would be taking and ask for his permission which he
granted in the form of funds to complete the operation described. John
Lelangue was also informed by me and Andy Riis consulted with Jim Ochowitz
before agreeing.

There are many many more details that I have in diaries and am in the
process of writing into an intelligible story but since the position of USA
Cycling is that there have not been enough details shared to justify calling
USADA, I am writing as many as I can reasonably put into an email and share
with you so as to ascertain what is the process which USA Cycling uses to
proceed with such allegations.

Look forward to much more detail as soon as you can demonstrate that you can
be trusted to do the right thing.

Floyd Landis

Because chicks like the same stuff that troglodytes such as us like – booze and sex. It’s not that complicated. Throw in bikes and you got a happy female.

But also like us, chicks need socks. And here’s a picture of a very unhappy woman. She’s so unhappy because her feet are cold, and that’s just some plain sad shit, y’all. Sock-less? Suck less.

Sock-less and sad.

So, while we’re out of all the L/XL socks right now, we’re chock full of the S/M size socks. 5″ wool cuffed goodness for your ladies feet. Well, some dudes got some small flippers too, so maybe their for the man in your life with the diminutive feet, fuck if we know. They’re mostly for the chicks. So, all you humans adorned with boobies should go to our little store in the right side margin, and buy yourself a nice pair of our socks. Or guilt your boyfriend into doing it. Or, get your parents to buy them. Or come to Portland and steal them from our house.

Now, as you know, we here at Evil find religion on the whole to be a glorious waste of time. A horrid mechanism of fear and control at the most, and a crutch for the stupid or the weak at the very least. In our mind, adults shouldn’t have imaginary friends.

But sometimes you have people in your life that just do an about face. A medical crisis, an identity crisis, a legal crisis, whatever the cause, everyone knows someone who’s snapped and “found” Jesus. Riiiight. Sure. But this one stuns us to our very core. Carter himself has turned to the big JC, but we know the real Carter is still in there because he’s trying to get some chicks back to the Falcon. What’s next? Brad “The retarded viking” Oppedahl in a Tebow jersey! I guess we’ll see!

Yeah, I spend alot of time talking shit and making fun of people, and again, yes, I was just looking for more photos as fodder for the same, but then I came across this;

Of course my first thought was ‘what the fuck is that?’, but upon enlarging the photo, and reading the accompanying article, I come to find out that it’s about a doctor who uses a capuchin monkey to help aid in the recovery and therapy of sick and needy children. Now we may be evil, and everything that is laid before us is subject to scorn and/or ridicule, but two things we don’t fuck with are sick children and helper monkeys.

They are after all, our future.