Evil Cycling

Be careful for the Evil variety. They’ll getcha alright.

Check out all the info RIGHT HERE

So, all these shady riders with checkered pasts are riding in the Tour. Not much fuss about the ol’ needles and blood bags this year, but you know some guys are getting away with it. Some are resorting to new, cutting edge methods of fluid transfers and advanced doping techniques.

Take Andy Schleck for instance, (Brother of “Friend of Birrillo” for those who know the 2nd page story) he’s taken to fucking a goat on the start line.

Desperate times, desperate measures.

There it was. My 2nd flat. Fuck.

And I had used the means by which I had to fix “a” flat, but not two. I’m an idiot. And, at this point way out on Skyline Road well north and west of Portland, a stranded idiot.

I had the eternal “two choice” question faced by cyclists in my predicament.

1. Wait for another rider to come by that will respect the code and help out.

2. Telephone for an emergency vehicular evac, or a munitions drop.

It was getting a bit late in the day, but this road is used by cyclists all day it seems. I chose not to choose. And then I remembered I had purchased and installed the new Pentabike Muststash – a smuggling device so ingenious Han Solo himself making the Kessel Run with it would jizz all over Chewie in an instant upon seeing it.

It’s a bar end, so what? Is that what you’re asking. Well, you see, this little sucker is more than a bar end. Look a little closer. It’s a bar end with a payload that, considering the situation I was in, was a life saver of another kind. A kind that made my “Two Choice” predicament a “Three Choice Predicament.” Adding to the aforementioned two I now had: 3. Get stoned and figure it out later.

So I did.

I leaned the bike and myself against a tree in a piece of sun and put the Muststash through it’s maiden voyage. It was the  best decision I could make at the time.

Some say it’s subliminal. Some say we’re clever. Some say we’re assholes.

We say, “One more, bartender, and make this one a double.” Click this and have a laugh.

There’ll be a whole bunch of us scattered all over Iowa over Ragbrai in a short time, so look for us. When you find us,  look away.

J. from Texas, Leiter, Greetham, Hoffman, Peters, Bowman – your Evil stuff departs this week.

But can you measure your Evil? According to THIS, yes you can. “Depravity Scale” – never a finer band name ever uttered.

What it looks like when two 150 pound piles of wet leaves are thrown at one another.