Evil Cycling

The clouds have blackened and amassed themselves. The weapons have been sharpened and the battle is nigh. Now we stare into the fire and wait for the raven….the mighty shitbird. Announcing the first ever Evil jersey as part of the coalescing Evil Racing Syndicate. Chapters are taking form in all reaches of the planet, soon to ruin your local races with all due haste and expediency. Along with presenting sponsors All Hail The Black Market and Cars-R-Coffins, as well as a service course via One on One Bicycle Studio, Evil Cycling is poised to go even further down the tubes, with your help.

So here’s the meat and potatoes of it: we have jerseys. Short sleeve, full zip only. Race cut, only. (size chart right here) We have Mens size S-XL and womens size S-L. They cost $66.06. You can buy them ONLY via the online store at Evilcycling.com which you can get to by clicking this link. Payment is through Paypal.

Jerseys available by PRE-ORDER ONLY. Monies and orders must be in by Jan 15th! After that, we put the order in and expect an 8 week turnaround, so we’ll be shipping by middle of March, in plenty of time for the 2011 racing season.

Evil Chapters will be recognized and listed at Evilcycling.com, with photos, race reports, and gratuitous nudity. Start something.

Dig it:

Prepare your scrotums. Prepare your breasts.

The Raven flies tomorrow…..Black Tuesday awaits….

We really do. Hope it sucks. Hope you get no presents, a cold, and fall off your bike at least once.

However, next week will be better as the jersey design will be unveiled, and pre-orders will begin. Soon, the armies will gather and blood will be spilled.

We’re not the only ones who hate you…..

Though that’s not to say that The Bike Snob wants anything to do with Cheever.

I just got a text from Dave saying something about being in the hospital getting his butthole sewn up (again), but that the forthcoming Evil/AHTBM/C-R-C jersey’s design should be finalized soon.

It seems as though he will have ample time on his hands during the holiday season (by ‘time’ I mean his frank and beans) and will see to it that the final details will look suitably shitty.

For those who don’t want to miss the boat, worry not. We will do what it takes to make sure anyone who is interested in winding up with one of these can do so, and anyone who doesn’t want one, can’t.

I know two women, both of whom Brann Dailor has gotten a piece from. He’s earned it.

In other news, it’s business as usual at Evil HQ.

To be clear – this is a collaboration thing. Evil/All Hail The Black Market/Cars-R-Coffins.

Jerseys only. No bibs, arms, legs, or anything else. We’ll have Evil socks and caps still, and this collaboriffic jersey. That is all. Quit crying. Hit that thing and pass it.

Yes, you heard that right.

The air in the cycling world is stagnant. More than the air in Bear’s butt…..and that’s saying a lot. More than the air in the back of Magic Gardens. And that air calls for some freshening. And by freshening I mean a fresh batch of post-ride farts, the kind that sound like they could come out of an elephant.

Do you love your bicycle above all else? Do you like to go hard sometimes, but always make time for beer? Does your training ride include a stop at a strip bar? Do you count beer as a “recovery drink”? Do you ride and race for enjoyment and not for results? Do you not take yourself or your racing community that seriously? Then you’re our kind of rider. Throw in a healthy suspicion of religion, a good toke of quality herbs, and an easy approach to life and all things bicycle, and you’re golden.

We’re opening the world up with our rusty can opener, and starting Evil chapters across the US. It’s time. We’ll be debuting a new jersey design, in collaboration with ALL HAIL THE BLACK MARKET and CARS-R-COFFINS and bringing to the public, for the first time ever, the Evil Cycling Racing Syndicate. Think you got what it takes? Wanna race bikes in the hopes you might get DFL and therefore have your teamies buy you beer? Think all you local clubs suck a mile of donkey balls? Well here, start your own. Jump in the All Black and get on board.

Jersey proof coming, and shortly after, we’ll be taking preorders for jerseys. Yes, preorders. It’s not like we have any money to stock this shit and take your order….you’re in on the front side, or you’re not in at all.

Let 2011 be the year of Evil, since we all die in 2012 anyhow. More details coming, but know right now this shit is going down. Get your local troops together. The Syndicate will be the worst thing to happen to cycling.

So, you have to ask yourself….are you in, or are you out?

Send initial notes about fear and heavy metal to dave at evilcycling dot com, or stevil at evilcycling dot com.

And yes, the racing team jerseys will feature the popular raven logo as well as AHTBM and a few very select others.