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Subject: Snake Photo

Pro Cyclists Skewered!

Dave takes another of his signature bites out of the pro peloton's big pimply doped-up ass in the newest installment of Pro Cyclists Suck!

Yeah, I got me a 'stache.

But NoCal luminary Steve Smith has facial hair that would make even Saddam Hussein weep with envy. This brother can grow the fuzz. Dig the moustache bash. This, of course, is not to be confused with Freewheel Bike Shop's annual 'Stache Bash which occurs every January in Minneapolis. See the boys at Cat 6 Racing for details.

I got me a bone to pick with the following digital image. Yes, we sometimes sell jerseys to folks who seem like they deserve them, but a few guidelines need to be laid out. 

1. Too serious. Lighten up boys 2. Time trial? Are you mental? 3. Red, white, and blue helmet. Right out! 4. Cannondale? Not Evil, maybe mean or cruel, but not Evil. 5. No beer in the picture. 6. Riding on the correct side of the road will get you a blanket beating. I sure hope this shot is from the UK.

In closing, be careful how you fly the colors. It's a privilege, not a right.

This just in - race results - now with bonus photos!

Burlington Road Race 5/29/04 - Clark gets an admirable 15th and Cap't Dave rocks a respectable 40th out of a field of 145. Both would have placed higher, but Carter's rifle jammed forcing him  to flee his sniper position.

Hot Track Racing Action in Blaine, MN 5/27/04 - Sov gets 4th in the 10 scratch, fails the Miss-and-out miserably, and rolls in 8th in the 40 scratch after 2 short-lived solo flyers and an ill-timed bridge attempt. Witnesses say he looked fabulous.

Dave went down to Georgia, lookin' fer a soul to steal...

Dig the highs and lows of pre-riding a true pro course with Dave as he reports on America's premier stage race hosted by our Southern brethren. I don't think he killed anyone while he was down there, but his unpacked luggage sure is heavy, smelly, and dripping fluids. Could be a body, could be spare ribs. His story is here.

Fruita was righteous. It always is.

Pete Fagerlin's a cool guy with a wicked car. Here's his take on the Fruita Fat Tire Fest. Hell me'n the boys can't even really recall what happened.   More photos soon!

This just in...

Dateline: Minneapolis, May 2004

Eric "Sov" "the Sov" "el Sov" Sovern has been spotted recently rounding the 44 degree banking of the National Sports Center Velodrome. Early reports state that Sov has brokered a deal with the USCF which, since 1989, has disavowed any dealings with the gentle giant. The deal makes Sov a Cat 5 racer ending his 15 year hiatus from competitive sport of any kind and actually represents a downgrade from his last licence. When reached for comment, Sovern stated, "Well, for years folks have been begging me to join their squad and ride real fast, but my answer has always been the same. I ain't a racist." 

Deft in his derby abilities, Sov also stated that he'll simply "chalk up the ol' elbows an' git down to it." A random sampling of the shaved-leg logo monkeys of the 612 area code stated quite plainly that this development would mean nothing to regional or national competition, but would require a bolstering of the velodrome's wooden supports. Keep tuned to this shit-ass website for more updates when I damn well feel like putting them up.