What the Hell?
Who invited the fucking morons to vote
this year? Man, I gotta say I don't get it. I'm not going to repeat
what's been said so eloquently elsewhere - like by Corrosion Beefy in
the Evil Blog. The picture below sums up most of what I think anyway.
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We seem to have done it.
So, a few words seem
in order on the day that we break 100,000 visitors to the Evil
website. Thank you, first of all, to those who visit regularly. We
appreciate your dim-witted allegiance to our mission - to destroy
the world by bike, preferably while juiced
on liquor.
We've been down a long
road. What started as an idea Dave had while crapping
extra big, has now become something
moderately interesting with a side of obnoxiousness. I joined
three years ago in hopes that something good would come of it. As it
happens, Evil got me laid once and for that I am eternally bound to
this fraternal order of douchebags.
Other than that, when people recognize me I'm usually horrified and
scurry away like the cockroach
I am.
As for the 100,000
visitor mark, well, we actually hit that a few months ago. I
restarted the counter when we'd had about 25,000 hits already and I
didn't know dick about running
a website. Now I'm well acquainted with dick, but I still don't
always know how this infernal machine does its thing.
So, I'd like to thank
the team for being completely retarded
shit-heads and making the documentation of our lives together a
social experiment gone horribly wrong. I'd like to thank the
sponsors off to the right there: Paul,
Surly, Hypnotic
Designs, the insane posse at Over
the Edge Sports in Fruita, and Rollo.
They actually invested in this, surely under protest from their
financial advisors. I'd like to thank Drunk
Jonny for linking us early on, getting me plowed at the
Pay-n-Take one night, and kissing me deeply at Interbike (or was
that just a wonderful dream?). I'd like to thank all the lame-ass
teams on Ragbrai
for being so incredibly sad that we look almost cool in
comparison.
So, get on your bike
and get down with the vibe it makes in you. Ultimately, we do all
this dumb shit because we feel better when we ride. You do to. If
you don't, try a new saddle. The one you have now may be pinching
your junk.
Sov - Oct. 31,
2004
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Buy stuff - be happy
So rarely in life do material
possessions actually bring some sort of measurable increase in my
bliss. Recently I purchased me some Hankster
messenger knickers from Hypnotic
Designs. If you ride a bike, you need these trou. Made of
super-durable stretchy kick-ass stuff, they fit great, keep my ass
happy, my wallet and lock secure, my knees warm, and my demeanor
tranquil. And I ain't just saying this because they ponied up for
some ad space on the site. Go, and buy stuff that will make riding
better. NOW!
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Get yourself to the Homie Fall Fest
The Twin Cities' premier
single-speed beer-fueled hoe down is coming up fast. Get yourself
a costume, a single speed, and some beverages and get down to Theo
Wirth Saturday October 30. Come early (anytime after 10am) and
help build trail with the lovely folks from MOCA
(the Minneapolis Offroad Cycling Advocates).
Dig the flyer for all the
pertinent info
Here's a map to the
deal
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Dave can't get enough of
puttin' the screws to the pros. Dig
"Come to think of it,
the slight men of cycling wouldn’t last long in prison before becoming
someone’s bitch. And they’re oxygen bandits, so they’d take their
pounding longer than the average Marlboro prisoner. Ooh boy."
Well you did it.
You missed the Chort Ride.
So did a lot of us. We are foolish. Assloads of fun was had. Photos
are now up (10/23/04). See them here.
Dateline Sunday, October
17th
The Sisters and Brothers
from out West do put on a real good show I tell you whut. From the Wrong
Way Bike Challenge to the flame spitting Cupacabra to a human powered
ferris wheel this shit is more fun than kicking prostalitizing
evangelicals in the gnutaculars. Dig some shots:
They ain't lyin'
Sov takes a turn on the
stupidmotard
Apehangers baby
Dumbshit fucks up fun at the Double Down
Ok, maybe the folks who
actually make S&M bmx bikes aren't assholes, but one stupid fucker,
Chris Stevenson from that outfit made a giant ass of himself at Interbike
and I'm callin' it as I saw it.
Picture a drunk
fucker throwing full bottles of beer (felony #1) at the band (felony
#2) and spreading broken glass and beer all over the pit (felony #3) at
the Double
Down. So he gets booted, comes back with a different shirt and
proceeds to get violent with Mrs. Junior Moffet (felony #4). Upon getting
booted a second time he tears off his shirt (total fucking dickhead
move) and challenges the bouncer to a fight (felony #5 and a really bad
idea). Bouncer finally convinces him to leave, instead he attacks Mrs.
Junior Moffit again (felony #6). Me and BRose drop the fucker and just
before the bouncer arrives to take over a really large
angry fist lands in this asshole's face. It were a mean, but deserved
blow. Short story - guy goes to jail.
So, If you ever happen to
be shopping for bmx parts,
frames, and paraphernalia I recommend finding a brand other than S&M.
I like bike people generally, and I dig the bmxers, but this guy was
soiling the vibe of everyone on two wheels. I hereby pronounce him
excommunicate and anathema. What a dick.
In other news:
Our clothing supplier took
a shit on us a few weeks back and we had to find another one. It made Dave
angry, so he wrote this. It's from the
heart.
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Archive Nov 2004
