Evil Cycling

Utah. Now with two fewer potentially murderous dickbags running around.

Stevil — Tue, 24 Apr 2012 13:39:34 +0000

At least for now.

That’s some fucked up shit right there.

PDX, get your shit together.

Stevil — Thu, 05 Apr 2012 14:01:01 +0000

Sky and his recently relocated Velo Cultists are having a shibang this Sunday for the Mother of all the classics. Swing through and enjoy the company of your compatriots while you watch Tchmil come out of retirement and take a shit on Boner’s head as he sits on his handle bars and pedals backwards over the finish line.

Let’s Get Our Race On

Dave — Tue, 20 Mar 2012 20:51:37 +0000

Racing in earnest has begun for 2012 with the 8,027th edition of Milan-San Remo. Rather than focusing on who won, it’s more fun to focus on who lost, chief among those counted being Mark Cavendish. He’s a polarizing figure in the sport for sure. Personally, I think he’s a whiny bitch. That said, I think he’s hands down the best pure sprinter in the world, though his brand of asshole is not my first pick. I would bang the shit out of his girlfriend though, if given then chance. What’s Mark gonna do? Beat me up? Doubt it.

It was also fun watching Levi Leipheimer redefine several words and phrases all at once at Paris – Nice: bad luck, failing, crashing multiple times, looking like an idiot, …. did I mention failing? Jesus, little man….stay upright. You’re too fragile above and below the neck to keep doing this sort of thing.

Looking forward, there’s no other race on the calendar in the immediate future that bleats a greater siren song than Paris-Roubaix. And thankfully, the ASO has announced after a period of doubt that they will, in fact, race through the Arenberg Forest. Whew. Best part of the race, for me. As we know, only good things happen there.

Ah, geez.

Stevil — Fri, 09 Mar 2012 14:24:10 +0000

So much bullshit in such a short amount of time is the only reason I can give for the dust settling on Evil Cycling these last few weeks.

“What? I can’t hear you. I’m way too busy.”

As for Dave, we’ll, he’s training for a whole new season of self important ass grabbing atop his ten speed, Cheever just turned eleven;

Bear has been hunkered down on some Midwest hellhole or another figuring out how to grow a moustache, Sov and Zeke are both useless, which pretty much leaves me.

And I’m far too busy making art to keep up with this nonsense;

Whatever. You get what you pay for with us and sometimes not even that.

Anytime you’d like to come by H.Q., feel free.

However, don’t blame me if things get a little rapey;

When It Rains, We Pour

Dave — Thu, 09 Feb 2012 19:23:44 +0000

Wow, our beloved sport has just had voluminous hershey squirts in semi-clean underpants this week, hasn’t it?

Ciprelli gets tagged so that means Longo is going to get her just desserts, and soon.

Contador gets hung for 2 years after 2 years of blah blah blah to adjudicate one billionth of a gram of clenbuterol in his system.

Jan Ullrich, happily retired for years, somehow this week got suspended for 2 years (what the fuck?) after the Puerto shit came to an end after an excruciatingly long and protracted “legal” “fight”. It is so clown-tastic around the sport of late, nothing surprises us.

Well, nothing except Lance Armstrong mysteriously dodging a federal lawsuit, though we have a glimmer of hope USADA or WADA might take up the case….even though that means more CAS nonsense if it indeed happens. Right, Lance….everyone was dirty but you. And all that wire fraud, drug trafficking, witness tampering, so on and so forth, that’s just because you’re concerned with being a father and a cancer figher, right? FUCK OFF.

We offer our thoughts on the whole enchilada in cycling with this one, memorable and fitting image:

Required morning listening.

Stevil — Wed, 01 Feb 2012 19:48:00 +0000

What a Bunch of Asses

Dave — Wed, 01 Feb 2012 00:42:19 +0000

We hope someone somewhere is sending Philip some dong pictures.

In the mean time, the rest of you get this.

Now fuck right off, please.

I Got 99 Problems, But Levi ain’t One

Dave — Tue, 24 Jan 2012 00:56:22 +0000

So comes upon us the time of year where pro teams roll out their new kits. Saxo Bank has been kind enough to bring back their Cock Hawk motif, which was pointed out on Twitter by us, but knocked out of the park Cycle Boredom.

In other camps, the Radioshack/Nissan/Trek/we-can’t-time-trial-so-we’re-bound-to-fail team has a nice,…uh…nevermind. Their kit looks like shit.

GreenEdge chimes in as NKOTB, their kit sucks too.

Garmin/Barracuda – sorry. Nice try. Love you guys, hate your kit.

Lampre – jesus, didn’t we go over this the last 7 years?

Andre Giacatolli someone paid for this spot and another unintelligible word – no.

The only guys worth a salt is BMC, and even though the kits are cool if you do your digging you know it ain’t all that great after all.

We’re whining more than Stevil (even on a full night’s sleep), and we apologize, so we’ll cut to the chase.

No one, and we mean NO ONE is more gay than Levi’s new outfit. This is simply just not right.

Buy some goods or the dog gets it.

Stevil — Sun, 22 Jan 2012 13:59:36 +0000

The new Evil wristbands are way better than the old ones, which were basically just the cuffs cut off our socks. I mean they worked alright… You fuckers were stupid enough to keep paying money for them.

They’ll be in the store at some point soon. Captain Dave has to take his hands out of his pants long enough to actually do that, so I wouldn’t hold your breath.
Speaking of hands in pants, all ladies can feel free to email photos of whatever parts of yourself you like to me at stevil@evilcycling. Any gents who would like to email photos of their parts can forward them to dave@evilcycling.com. Case in point;

He thanks you for your time and consideration on the matter.

Hey SOPA, You Lose!

Dave — Fri, 20 Jan 2012 19:23:01 +0000

And Lana has a parting gift for you on your way out.