So much bullshit in such a short amount of time is the only reason I can give for the dust settling on Evil Cycling these last few weeks.
Wow, our beloved sport has just had voluminous hershey squirts in semi-clean underpants this week, hasn’t it?
Ciprelli gets tagged so that means Longo is going to get her just desserts, and soon.
Contador gets hung for 2 years after 2 years of blah blah blah to adjudicate one billionth of a gram of clenbuterol in his system.
Jan Ullrich, happily retired for years, somehow this week got suspended for 2 years (what the fuck?) after the Puerto shit came to an end after an excruciatingly long and protracted “legal” “fight”. It is so clown-tastic around the sport of late, nothing surprises us.
Well, nothing except Lance Armstrong mysteriously dodging a federal lawsuit, though we have a glimmer of hope USADA or WADA might take up the case….even though that means more CAS nonsense if it indeed happens. Right, Lance….everyone was dirty but you. And all that wire fraud, drug trafficking, witness tampering, so on and so forth, that’s just because you’re concerned with being a father and a cancer figher, right? FUCK OFF.
We offer our thoughts on the whole enchilada in cycling with this one, memorable and fitting image:
We hope someone somewhere is sending Philip some dong pictures.
In the mean time, the rest of you get this.
Now fuck right off, please.
So comes upon us the time of year where pro teams roll out their new kits. Saxo Bank has been kind enough to bring back their Cock Hawk motif, which was pointed out on Twitter by us, but knocked out of the park Cycle Boredom.
In other camps, the Radioshack/Nissan/Trek/we-can’t-time-trial-so-we’re-bound-to-fail team has a nice,…uh…nevermind. Their kit looks like shit.
GreenEdge chimes in as NKOTB, their kit sucks too.
Garmin/Barracuda – sorry. Nice try. Love you guys, hate your kit.
Lampre – jesus, didn’t we go over this the last 7 years?
Andre Giacatolli someone paid for this spot and another unintelligible word – no.
The only guys worth a salt is BMC, and even though the kits are cool if you do your digging you know it ain’t all that great after all.
We’re whining more than Stevil (even on a full night’s sleep), and we apologize, so we’ll cut to the chase.
No one, and we mean NO ONE is more gay than Levi’s new outfit. This is simply just not right.
The new Evil wristbands are way better than the old ones, which were basically just the cuffs cut off our socks. I mean they worked alright… You fuckers were stupid enough to keep paying money for them.
They’ll be in the store at some point soon. Captain Dave has to take his hands out of his pants long enough to actually do that, so I wouldn’t hold your breath.
Speaking of hands in pants, all ladies can feel free to email photos of whatever parts of yourself you like to me at stevil@evilcycling. Any gents who would like to email photos of their parts can forward them to firstname.lastname@example.org. Case in point;
He thanks you for your time and consideration on the matter.
In support of today’s SOPA strike we are doing our part.
Good luck with that, but you can go ahead and keep your hands off ours.
In other news, politicians can eat a bag of dick. Unless Sov throws his hat into the ring (which probably wont happen after ‘Open bathrobe at the cheerleadercamp-gate’ of 2007) our money is on the clear winner.