Frothing Masses With Lit Torches Descendeth Upon Us
Nothing takes the bait faster than religious kooks. You may have read the last post about our friends at Christ Cycles. The article is typical poofty assholery, but the comments section is pure gold.
Mutual attacks of opinion aplenty. Although, while I still am guessing I’m right, the attacks aimed at me are indeed mostly correct. I fucking love porn, you nailed that one on the head. I pull my goalie about as regularly as I bat my lashes, and I’ll make no apologies for looking up the best Xhamster and Redtube have to offer in order to more perfectly flog my bishop.
I’m no pseudo-elitist though. I am a fucking elitist. Go fuck yourself in the face with your shitty imported bikes. How about that, sunshine?You know what’s better? I have no idea what I’m talking about. I admit it.
Let’s go off on tangents, shall we?
I would like to see all the employees of that company naked, so I could call it porn in my mind and jack off to it. I hope Satan realizes what lengths I am going to to please him, and to smear poop on that dick that threw him out of the upstairs party…what’s his name? Oh yeah, god. I fucking love blasphemy about as much as I love porn. So, let’s try this brain stream: “I want to fuck god in the eye while I watch your boy jesus take it in the ass from a goat while Megan Fox and Jenna James lick each other’s pussies and call me their one true god”. How’s that? I guess it’s ok, but the two things that actually exist, or ever existed, are Jenna and Megan. Hallelujah!
The fiery truck is religion, the kid is Satan, and the bike is Evil. Pretty cut and dried, no? The liquid on the ground? That’s all bum piss.
Anyone who gets on a bike is a winner. I suppose that sums it up. We love bikes, we hate god. And hipsters. And hipster gods. But in a sense, I am sorry. Those guys are making bikes and bikes are cool. Even if it is the purest shit Taiwan can offer. If you accept the apology, please send naked pictures of yourselves to us. In return, we will send you Cheever. Not a picture of Cheever, but Cheever himself. You can have him, as a token of our good will.
The only thing I can’t stand more than christians and vegans is christian vegans.
Jesus Fucking Christ – http://avatarfarm.com/avatarimages/people/jesusfuckingchristavatar.gif
first they came for the straight-edgers and I didn’t speak out because because I wasn’t into slow-arse mosh-core
then they came for knuckle tattoos and I didn’t speak out because I’m not a knuckle dragger
then they came for the preachy vegans and I didn’t speak out because I wasn’t a preachy vegan
then they came for the fixies and i didn’t speak out because I wasn’t a hipster doufus
then they came for me and there was no-one left…
> “I want to fuck god in the eye while I watch your
> boy jesus take it in the ass from a goat while Megan
> Fox and Jenna James lick each other’s pussies and
> call me their one true god”
I actually have a photo of this if you want to see it.